Paintbrush Promotions

After 3 years of free loading, this spring I decided it was time I start contributing to our remodel projects. (My motivation stemmed mostly from the fact that Dave had been working on painting the outside of our house for 4 months…and from what I could tell, was no where near finished). When I first walked outside and declared “I want to help paint” Dave’s initial reaction was amusement (surely she is making a joke) and then horror (there is no way I’m letting her near our home with a paintbrush.) Over the next 2 months here is the progression of my painting promotions. Like any job – Dave carefully explained, I had to prove myself suitable at the job given me before I was allowed to move on to bigger responsibility.

Job #1 Entertainment: Initially Dave suggested I “talk” to him while he painted. I’m pretty sure this was just a stall tactic so he could come up with a job for me that did not involve paint.

Job #2 Golden Retriever: “Carrie – can you hold this scraper for me until I need it again?” I still don’t understand how me “holding” something adds value when there is endless ground that can “hold” something just as well as I. I guess it saved Dave that extra 1.2 seconds that would have been required to bend down to the ground. When I was lucky, this job also involved running to the garage to fetch a required item. Going to the garage was WAY better than standing next to Dave, holding some object, with no idea when he might ask for it back.

Job #3 Paint Chip Picker Upper: This one almost put me over the edge. There were at least 1,000 dirty and wet paint chips strewn about in the grass, rocks, dirt, etc. Dave assigned me to walk around and pick them up. As I tried to stage a mutiny Dave patiently explained that even HE had to pick up paint chips for weeks before being allowed to paint professionally.

Job #4 Taper: Finally I was allowed physical contact with the house (This promotion came when I threw down the paint chip bag and started heading indoors to watch TV.) My job was to protect the brick from stray paint drips with masking tape & paper.

Job #5 Wielder of The Littlest Paint Brush: Finally after days of me jumping through hoops Dave came up to me with a half smile on his face and said with anticipation “Carrie – would you like to try painting?” You would have thought he asked if I would like to go to Water World by my reaction. YES! Yes yes yes yes yes!!! I knew painting wouldn’t be great, but it had to be 100 times better than the jobs that had occupied my past few days. So Dave went to the garage, and I kid you not – came back with THIS:

Now you know why we lovingly refer to it as the littlest paintbrush (TLPB). It is, absurdly small – especially in relationship to the size of our home. Note how battered and beat down it looks? That is b/c I wielded the littlest paint brush for WEEKS – and it painted probably 10% of our home. I was so happy to actually be painting, that I didn’t even think the size was weird. Our neighbors would walk by and I would wave at them with the paintbrush. Dave would whisper, “Stop flashing that thing around – it looks ridiculous.”

Job #6 Medium Sized Paintbrush: One day Dave came to check my progress and noticed I was painting a fairly large piece of trim with TLPB. Dave said “hold on a second” and came back with this…

At a juncture like this is a thank you speech appropriate? This promotion was quite unexpected as I hadn’t been lobbying for it (after all I loved the little paint brush). But to my amazement, the medium sized paintbrush tripled my painting speed. Sure there was that initial “get to know phase” but once I formed a relationship with TMSPB, I started to really make some head way.

And there, my friends, is where the story ends. That was my last promotion before we finished painting our home. Some would suggest disappointment as I never quite made it to the regular sized paintbrush, but not me. After all – it’s not like you can end up CEO of every company you work for.