The need for speed

As if trying to convince me to buy a dog isn’t enough, Dave has decided to launch an all new, high pressure sales campaign. This new campaign involves purchasing something, ANYTHING, with 2 wheels and a motor. I think Dave would really like a Harley (thanks in part to our good friend’s recent purchase…Darn you Jared!), but Dave would probably be just as ecstatic if I consented to the purchase of a used 1980s dirt bike.

Dave actually told me a story a few months back about how every Christmas, as a little boy, each minute of his day was totally absorbed with the hope and faith that maybe this year was the year Santa would bring him a dirt bike. He would go out of his way to be a good little boy – wash the dishes, put his toys away, help old ladies across the street, etc. And as he lay in bed each night the excitement and hope of a dirt bike under the tree would overwhelm him to the point that it would take him hours to fall asleep. Sadly his Christmas wish never came true; Santa never did bring little Dave a dirt bike even though it was the only thing on his wish list for many, many years. I swear I saw a lone tear fall down his cheek as he concluded this story.

This man is killing me.

Why do Dave’s demands always have to be so life changing (dog) and/or life threatening (dirt bike)? And why do they have to be SO expensive? Why can’t my husband really, really want a new pair of pants? Or, maybe a fancy electric tooth brush? I would be more than happy to let Dave buy ANY electric tooth brush out there (within reason of course).

Well, Jared & Christina (our Harley owning friends) had us over to dinner a few Sundays ago. What started out as an innocent dinner quickly escalated into a high pressure sales pitch from my dear husband. I’m pretty sure Dave orchestrated the dinner invite just to get me within arms length of the Harley. Harleys, I now realize, have a certain power. The closer you are to a Harley the more influence it has over you. As you approach a Harley you find yourself fighting an overwhelming urge to stroke the bike. And if you actually sit down on one, the battle is won. Your will is now its command.

After dinner I found myself being encouraged to take a ride with our friend. I’m not going to lie. I really didn’t want to. There were a lot of thoughts going through my head – most of them involved death, limb loss, and/or dismemberment. But finally I conceded to a short, slow, ride around the block.

You would have thought I was going to battle based on the demands I put on my friend Christina:

  • "Can I borrow some sweats? I don’t want my skirt flying all over the place"
  • "I tend to get really cold. Can I also borrow a sweatshirt? Just incase it rains…or snows...you never know."
  • "Um…now that I think about it flip flops can’t be a good idea. What if some huge piece of asphalt gets kicked up by a car and severs one of my toes? Can I borrow some shoes…actually make that boots, and some socks?"
  • "I’m also somewhat attached to my eyes, any chance you have some goggles I could borrow? Yea...I guess sunglasses will work."
  • "I’m definitely going to need to borrow a helmet. Is this helmet pretty strong? Does it have a good crash rating?"

After TOTALLY disrobing and putting on everything in Christina’s closet, I got on the Harley with Jared. Here we are:

I look happy, but trust me I wasn’t. I was terrified. And even at 28 years old all I could think was “My mom is going to kill me.”

But then, the power of the Harley started to work its magic over me. In less than 10 seconds my fear was totally gone and I heard myself saying things like:

“Let’s take this hog on the freeway!”
“Can't you go any faster?”
“I don’t suppose you're going to let me drive this are you?”
“How much do these bikes sell for again?”

As we got in the car to head home, Dave looked at me expectantly and said “so what did you think?” I paused for a minute and said “I really liked it.” A few more seconds passed and he asked “So...do you think you want to get one?”

But at that point we were already a couple miles from the Harley and its power over me had begun to weaken considerably.

Better luck next time Dave.


dave said...

Carrie makes it sounds like I come up with something new every week. I assure all of you that I have only wanted two things for as long as I can remember. I want a dog and a dirt bike. There are two bikes I would love http://powersports.honda.com/motorcycles/off-road/model.asp?ModelName=XR650L&ModelYear=2008&ModelId=XR650L8 or http://powersports.honda.com/motorcycles/off-road/model.asp?ModelName=XR650L&ModelYear=2008&ModelId=XR650L8. The new ones are pricey, but you can get used ones for less.

Janice said...

My husband purchased an small (value priced as he explained it) airplane a year ago. I understand.

Travis said...

I support Dave in the quest for a dirt bike. I had his same dream---of waking up one Christmas morning and finding a new Honda CR80 in our living room. After many years of working the system, it happened (and I loved it more than any other earthly possession I have ever had). I later upgraded to a CR 125, which I sold after my mission.

Some day, I'll get another dirt bike. I want the KTM 450 EXC, which is a full-on enduro bike that comes barely street legal. I think I'll remove the annoying decals so it's all orange and black (I'm OCD that way).

Not sure if this link will work, but check it out:

Missy said...

NO way!!! Don't forget that you are also married to one of the most accident prone people on the planet. Honestly he'd be in the emergency room within a week of owning it. I say all this because I love my brother dearly, not because I am trying to deprive him of something he wants. I support the dog, not the bike.

mom said...

Hang strong Carrie on both the dirt bike and the dog. No! No! No!
A future father and father (Travis) should NEVER even think about a motorized bike of any kind.
You all have an enormous responsibilty as a husband and father/future father. Also remember how a dog ties you down, dirty, smelly, hair everywhere, annoying jumping on you and people, smelling crotches, barking, chews stuff, wakes you up to go out in the night, pees on your beautiful lawn, and is NOT welcome at the mountain house.

dave said...

It is talk like that that makes me dig my heels in deeper. I don't need permission to get a dog or a dirt bike, but out of respect I run these things by my beloved wife.

On a separate and totally unrelated note - Carrie can you move your mountain bike out of the garage. I need to make room for some “stuff” I am bringing home this afternoon. And are there some old serving bowls that you don't care about that I can use for the next 12 years?

sara said...

please. we all know what dave REALLY wants is some high class macrame to hang plants on in your house. the dog, the dirt bike... these are all just to seem outlandish, so when he asks for the macrame it will seem like a good idea in comparison.

dave, i bet if you're really good santa will provide the macrame. just keep hoping.

TippettsFam said...

i'm all for the bike.... but not a dirt bike (that would just be stupid, sorry dave :) but still a no on the dog if you ask me.

dave said...

"(that would just be stupid, sorry dave :)" Geez. Now that was pretty harsh. - That was my initial reaction, but then I saw the :). The :) says to me that you made a comment that you knew I may take offense to :(, but added the :) to show that you meant no offense and things were still :) between us. So to let you know I don't take offense to the comment :), and realize that everyone has their own likes :) and dislikes :(. Some may want a weekend at a spa :( other may want a weekend on a logging trail in the mountains on a motorcycle :).

Let a man live out his childhood dream.

Chris said...

I can confirm that the story Dave shared with you about his only desire as a child is not some recent creation. Every day for our entire childhood I would hear about how cool it would be if he had a motorcycle.

This has been a lifelong dream, not only of Dave's but of mine as well. Kacey said said I could get one as soon as Carrie let Dave get one. (which I think in her mind was the same as saying when hell freezes over) So come on, you could be fulfilling not only one boys dream but truly bring joy to at least two lives.

I just don't even know how to respond to the dog haters. How can you not love something that unconditionally loves you back? I honestly worry that there is something wrong with these people.

carrie said...

When Dave first hit me up with the dirt bike campaign (a couple years ago) he was trying to convince me to buy TWO dirt bikes. I was momentarily touched when I thought he wanted to teach me to ride, so we could ride off into the sunset together. But upon closer inspection I realized he wanted to buy 2 bikes so there was one for Chris to ride.

Why can’t your guys' dream be to take your wives to New Zealand? Kacey and I would be happy to help you make that dream come true!

TippettsFam said...

glad to know you can read me so well, dave.... :) oh, and touche with the spa comment!!!

Christina said...

Wow! This post brought on a lot of comments. Touchy subject. I must say to Carrie's mom that I completely agree with the dog comments. Having dogs has changed me. I no longer find them cute and fuzzy. They smell and I'm CONSTANTLY cleaning up after them as I'm itching all over and wheezing from my allergies to them. Sorry Rod!
As far as the bike goes, I am starting to feel really sad for Dave. GET HIM A BIKE and fulfill his childhood dreams. :)