Halloween - phase 1

For our first Halloween celebration Dave and I decided to be Todd and Sarah Palin.

And here is our pet penguin, Brig.


What's that you say?
Where is baby Brig?

I'll tell you where he isn't. He isn't in his penguin costume. He has never hated anything more than that costume. He cried all 15 minutes we made him wear it. When we finally released him from penguin prison - he immediately quieted, and drooled in a content stupor for the rest of the evening. I can't blame him. He was dripping with sweat when we pulled him out.

My favorite comment of the night was, "Is that what you wear to work?"
ha ha ha.

Here comes halloween...

Brig has been hounding me to take him to a pumpkin patch. So this weekend we headed to Chatfield and went to the patch associated with the Denver botanic gardens. I'll post pics of the pumpkins once Brig gets around to carving them. He is really good with a knife.


This is your official reminder that on Halloween Chipotle gives out free food. You just have to show up dressed as a burrito - get your tinfoil ready.

According to Jim

Does anyone else hate this show as much as I do?

Actually - you probably haven't heard of this show. You have real TV, with real cable, and real shows. You aren't stuck with network TV.

Well, let me tell you a little bit about "According to Jim." It is a comedy. It is not funny. Not in the slightest. You get the picture.

Why am I bringing this up you ask? Because Dave is driving me crazy. Dave knows all too well how much I hate this show. So what does he do? The following:

Carrie gets the remote control, sits down on the couch, turns on the TV, and begins breast feeding Brig. Once I start this ritual, I'm trapped for the next 15 minutes or so.
Dave enters the room, sits next to Carrie, and engages in small talk for 30 seconds or so.
On the sly Dave grabs the remote and starts non-chalantly flipping through our 5 channels. What to watch, what to watch?
Dave turns the TV to a station playing commercials. I'm not paying attention, after all I'm focused on keeping our son ALIVE. I assume Dave has returned to the station I initially selected.
Dave yawns, stretches, and then leaves the room.
Then what you ask?
Do you see where this is going?
Then..."According to Jim" comes on.
I start to look for the remote control.
My eyes roam desperately for the remote control.
WHERE IS THE REMOTE CONTROL!
Then I realize what has happened. Dave has yet again intentionally turned on "According to Jim," snuck out of the room, house, and my life, WITH the remote control.

I'm trapped, with Jim.

I HATE JIM.

Dave does this to me at least twice a week. He thinks it is the funniest thing in the world.

Retaliation is a must. Suggestions?

Back in the saddle again?

I was supposed to return to work on Friday, 10/10. Did I? No. Do you encourage ripping this sweet child from my loving arms?


I didn't think so.

Here is how things went down:

10/2 - I get a voice message from my boss. She sounds somber and wants to talk about my job. I'm sure she is going to lay me off. I strategize with Dave - what approach should I take? How might I extend my end date and maximize my severance package?

10/3 - I call my boss back and decide to go with the direct route. I ask "Is there still a job for me?" She shocks me by saying, "Definitely. In fact, I'm taking a new job. So we want you to do not only your old job, but my job too!" I explain I had hoped I could come back part time. It is clear that is not an option. After a few long pauses I make a decision. I agree to return on the 10th, and to pick up both jobs.

10/4 - I have a panic attack. I can't go back to work yet! What about little Brig!!!

10/5 - I email my boss and tell her I need to take my 4 weeks unpaid, my legal "newborn bonding time." Then I will return to work. Then I will take her job.

10/6 morning - I get a voicemail and email from my boss letting me know that won't work. If I don't come back on the 10th, neither job will be waiting for me. I will get laid off.

10/6 night - I have lots of intense, stressful, conversations with Dave. What to do?

10/7 morning - I call my boss and let her know this is a risk I'm willing to take. I really feel like I need 4 more weeks of dedicated Brig time. Maybe getting laid off wouldn't be such a bad thing. It would make a tough decision for me.

10/7 day - no word

10/7 night - no word

10/8 morning - my old boss calls me. "Do you realize if you don't come back on the 10th you will get laid off?" I say "That's what was implied..." She says "OK, I just wanted you to realize the implication of this choice." Ugh. What did I do? What was I thinking? I want my job back!

10/8 afternoon - I get a call from my current boss. They changed their minds. They have decided to keep both jobs open for me - as long as I promise to come back on November 7th. Does anyone else feel like this is a high stakes game of poker?

10/9 - the market drops yet another seven percent. There goes our savings. I'm feeling really lucky to have not one, but two jobs waiting for me.

10/13 - the market begins to rebound. Two jobs? Really? One isn't good enough?

Welcome to the roller coaster that is my life.

Don't tell Dora, but he's cheating on her.

I'm moving...

The question is - should I move to Wyoming or Massachusetts?

I can't handle living in a swing state anymore. I've had it. Last week Denver received the 2nd highest number of political ads in the COUNTRY!

I absolutely hate watching TV. And not for the normal reasons I hate watching TV which include:

1. The fact that we are too cheap for cable, our bunny ears don't work, and so every 30 seconds or so the sound on our 5 stations phases out, and the picture goes to black and white.
2. Our new flat screen TV spontaneously turns off every 6 minutes. We have no idea why. And no, we don't have a warranty.

Those are small annoyances compared to the political ads that run EVERY FIVE SECONDS, ON EVERY CHANNEL, ALL HOURS OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

These smear campaigns do nothing more than confirm my fear that both candidates are totally lame. Why don't they spend their time and money educating us on who they are and what they believe instead of vilifying their opponent?

Poor Marilyn Musgrave. If you live in Colorado - I don't need to say any more. I mean really...if half the stuff they say is true, shouldn't we just go ahead and ship her off to Guantanamo?

And when did Boulder become not only an adjective, but also a bad word? "BOULDER Mark Udall did this, and BOULDER Mark Udall did that." Should I be ashamed of my hometown?

To prove things are out of control around here, I have exhibit A:


Apparently the pre-made signs which adorn our neighbors windows, front door, and cars just aren't cutting it anymore. Our next door neighbors actually busted out the construction paper and sharpies to create THEIR OWN political campaign.

(NOTE: dear neighbors if you are reading this...we do love you. But your homemade sign cracks me up. Thanks again for the grapes - they are delicious!)

We made the cardinal mistake of having a Bush sign in our yard during one of the last elections. Being the only Republicans in a 10 mile radius, the whole community has decided to direct their campaign effort at us. SEVERAL people dropped by minutes before Barack's speech during the democratic national convention to make sure "we had the TV tuned to the right station."

And when did smear ads become 30 second horror movies? Between the dark voices, scary music, and low lighting - sometimes it takes me a second to realize it is a political ad and not a preview for a Halloween movie. I'm just waiting for someone to introduce a guy in a mask, with a chain saw, and some blood. Now THAT would get my vote.

And the last reason I've had it with this election: everyone thinks my baby's name is Trig. Thanks a lot Sarah Palin.

LIME

Walk...scratch that...RUN to your nearest LIME restaurant.

Look at how happy we are:


We are in a state of tortilla chip induced ecstasy. I'm not kidding people. The tortilla chips are out of this world. Actually, it feels like a crime to even refer to them as tortilla chips because they are SO much better than that. And the real beauty of it all? The chips and salsa are FREE! What is to stop Brig and I from going to lime, grabbing a table, and eating the free chips ALL DAY LONG EVERY DAY?

I ate there Wednesday.
I've waited a full day.
That's long enough.
I'm going there for lunch tomorrow.